Lillooet February 28, 2022
Hello friends, I am happy to record some very good news here. My wife, Nisa and I recently returned from a visit to Vancouver General Hospital and a consultation with her head doctor. This was a monthly follow up visit subsequent to her having had a stem cell transplant in July of 2021. When we entered the ward, Nisa was handed a sheet to fill out of every imaginable symptom from dry eyes to spots on the toenails. Headaches to stomach trouble. I called out the maladies for her and checked off her answers. At the end, we had only checked off one item on the whole sheet.
The doctor entered the room about this time and after glancing at the sheet, she gestured with her hand that it wasn’t really necessary. We had a brief meeting and interview in which the doctor told us that Nisa needn’t come to Vancouver for next month’s visit and not in April, either. Those visits could be accomplished via telephone. Nisa’s weekly blood tests in Lillooet could be pared down to once a month, as well. Nisa was cleared to go to the local dentist in Lillooet. All this good news prompted Nisa to ask the obvious question of whether or not she was cured. The doctor smiled and replied that she could consider herself cured and that all procedures and medicine from this point were simply to keep the leukemia away.
I mention this here, because it would be impossible not to. We came away very sober and cognizant of our reality but also present enough to celebrate the day. All our misfortunes of the past few years have taught us to face the fact that we either grow or go down with the ship. Without those happenings, I cannot see myself having the proper grasp of these days I am living through now. The meditation reflections that I have been posting are a chronicle of my realizations and descriptions of some of the tools used to come to a better understanding of the fundamental nature of the human condition.
The greatest news of all that I can convey is that when it came to having to be shown new ways of being, it was regular, everyday human beings of all ages and abilities who stepped in to shine their lights for my own way forward. Some unwittingly so and some quite aware. Some from near and some from afar. Some living and some already passed on.
The point of meditation is not to overcome being human but rather to accept that mixed blessing. To take responsibility for learning how your mind operates, where it is wounded and to go forward with dignity in your body, carrying your mind as a cherished passenger with ample inner space to run and be healthy. This is the mountain where healing takes place and lightening licks the tree. The alternative is to have a body physically reacting to the emotional spasms of a caged mind hurling itself at invisible bars.
~~~Now, my fifth set of Meditation Reflections~~~
Reflections on Guided Meditations or Bobcat Logic for Meditation Hesitancy (5)
Feb.7, 2022
How do you weather the storm of your emotions?
I am learning to look out the windows of my own lighthouse. This started to occur randomly and it was not until I got into mindfulness training that I became aware of the process and gained the vocabulary with which to explain it to others. It is like a blessing and a balm. I still catch myself grinding my teeth and tensing my muscles but with the full awareness that I am doing so. It is a matter of training and persistence now. My understanding of meditation is that rather than striving to become beyond human, we simply strive to train ourselves to come back to the present every time we catch ourselves wandering to the past or future. It is a full-time occupation and the fruits are gleaned by the returning, not by the impossible task of attempting to reach a state of not wandering.
Feb 8, 2022
What helps you cultivate peace and calm?
My focus. This can be experienced with activity and with inactivity. I experience it with physical activities such as work and with passive activities such as listening to music. I experience calm and peace when doing a new activity that requires total concentration and deep focus. All of these modes are peaceful for me.
Feb. 9, 2022
When do you have the tendency to dwell on negative thoughts?
In the quiet moments when I am just waking up or just drifting off to sleep. Anytime after taking a decision, whether important or seemingly important. After having finished any project I have been working on such as writing this for my blog. After any conversation with another person.
Feb. 10, 2022
How do you support yourself through uncertain times?
By maintaining or attempting to maintain my dignity.
Feb. 11, 2022
Which self-care practices do you find nurturing?
A hot bath. Reading books for knowledge. Writing. Being alone with the animals in nature. Sleeping outdoors in the daytime for naps in beautiful natural places, a spiritual practice that I have recently learned is called incubating.
Feb. 12, 2022
Which parts of yourself can you embrace rather than reject?
My curiosity. My honesty. My loyalty. My individuality. My durability. My pacifism. My love of beauty.
Feb. 15, 2022
What can you do to build a stronger relationship with yourself?
Remind myself of the virtues of patience, love, trust, loyalty and acceptance. I can remember to let these qualities shine as a firelight in the round, rather than as the focused beam projected outwards or inwards, such as is the natural way with my intellect.
Feb. 19, 2022
List your unique qualities. How do you honour them?
A lack of desire to dominate. A lack of desire to follow. Deep insight balanced with a natural blindness to conventional superfluity and false coverings of all sorts. Innate individuality. I honour these qualities by never ceasing to learn and by constantly leavening that which “I know” with the admixture of everything “new” that I learn. I honour my time in the flesh by sharing all knowledge shown to me, freely and completely with anyone who desires to share in it. I honour my qualities by making as sure as I can that others do not follow me blindly and reserving my right to change and update my own views on any topic.
Feb. 20, 2022
What worries you the most? How can you generate compassion here?
Being misunderstood in words or intention. Being manipulated without knowing it. Causing pain to any other sentient creature, even unintentionally. Being trapped in the past. Sabotaging myself with regards to success. I can generate compassion by learning to allow these worries to sit in my mind without fighting or judging them. In this way, they will disperse naturally like all else that constantly changes and I will grow to realize that even they meant well anyway, thus avoiding bitterness.
Feb. 21, 2022
How can you be more loving with yourself today?
By listening for self talk that is of a critical or judgmental nature and gently reminding myself to be loving instead.
Feb. 24, 2022
What helps you access your creativity when you feel stuck?
Not striving.
Feb. 25, 2022
What feels like home for you?
Memories of my grandma’s braided rug. The smell of food cooking. Earth and anywhere I walk upon her. Anywhere music is being played. My body – when my mind is quiet. My mind – when my body doesn’t hurt. Anywhere I am reading or see people reading. Anywhere I am petting any animal. Anywhere in the company of a female.
Feb. 27, 2022
What distracts you from delighting in the present moment?
Physical pain, emotional residue, the System itself, mass media and just being an autist in a world catering to a style of cognition that does not come naturally to me.
Feb. 27, 2022
Where does your mind tend to wander? The past? The future?
Most of my life after the age of twelve or so, my mind tended to stay firmly in the past. It jumps to the future whenever I contemplate taking an action. It jumps back to the past as soon as I have taken an action. This pattern was partly learned in childhood and I am now confident that it can be remedied with time, repetition of better habits and acquiring some insights learned from the wisdom of other people who teach these techniques.
Feb. 28, 2022
What have you noticed about yourself recently?
The more I become the way I was born, the better I feel about life. I am noticing that I am acquiring the skills to be aware of myself to a degree never attained before. In this space, I can begin to discern my conditioning from parents, relatives, church and school; enabling me to sort through it, discarding that which is erroneous or does not serve me. I notice that I am kinder to myself and I can say in truth, that this practise makes me kinder to others.
Far from fin....
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