Lillooet, B. C. June 9, 2022
Dear Readers,
While pursuing Mindfulness Training with all the focus allowed me by the action of the stars upon my body, mind and spirit, several over-arching themes have distinguished themselves through the inchoate fog of emotion and become the crystalline jewellery of observed cognition. These gems are formed in the newly created space between self as observer and mind, which is always alluded to in the meditation practices.
It is the tremendous pressures involved in processing long-buried emotional content that yield up portable treasures in the form of truths fished up from the unconscious. Treasures are of no benefit, in my view, if they mayn’t be carried everywhere and be freely shared with confidence in their validity and potency. Across time and space, they alone are unchanged in the lifespan of a human.
Stories from my life and many of my ideas and theories have long found release in digital ink. One of the benefits to me of doing this is to have a personal record of how I perceived things at each juncture of my development. From the periodic review of this material over my adult life, I am enabled to see my growth and to detect hindrances to continued growth. By growth, I mean my emotional, physical and spiritual unfolding.
In meditation it is said that a person unfolds like a lotus flower. There is even a chakra, the “Crown” that sits just above the head and embodies this Truth. I feel this to be accurate and no different from the growing tip of any plant, such as a tree. They grow from dirt, compost, sand, rocks and mud. From their roots, water is drawn and from their leaves, energy is synthesized from light. They flower, are fertilized and produce fruit.
All of us are human bonsai, bent, injured and acted upon by forces around us for good and ill. Not least of which forces are our families, our governments, our cultures, our institutions of learning and our religious training. I have engaged in growing bonsai trees twice before in my life and have recently taken it up once more. May it serve as a physical reminder of what my other endeavours are certainly teaching me.
As a bonsai gardener bends, wires, prunes, salt-washes and stresses a small tree in order to induce it to create a totally unique beauty, so does life act upon all people. Particularly in childhood. Once that is deeply and highly understood, one may arrive at the knowledge that one’s Truth is precisely that misshapen, gnarled or overly luxuriant flowering tree from whose vantage one experiences the world.
Much of what I have uncovered in my meditation practice had already taught to me by different martial arts teachers, many decades ago. One Korean, two Chinese and one Iranian. Not being native English speakers, they were not successful in conveying to me that the things I was learning with my body were very much intended to train my mind. They tried and I was thick. Now, Sifu and Sensei, I get it! I am ready to become my own mental/emotional gardener and take an active hand in the shaping and training of my inner self.
In reality, this process will take the form of some pruning and re-training. Much is already set and will be appreciated for its uniqueness. The pruning will be confined to recognizing and trimming a few larger downward growing branches and sucker-shoots that rob vital energy. All while understanding that the universe can make anything useful and beautiful, even me and you.
Editing my Stochastic Scintillae website writings on this newer Artemisia website is also an exercise in the spirit of bonsai. I am not changing a single event or story from what happened nor recapitulating an essay from what I really thought. Those are my trees and are already established. I will see where damage needs attention and act upon it.
I am, however, clipping off some opinions that I had grafted on from other people and ideas which I no longer see to be true nor endorse. The only design I have is to maximize my understanding of myself, cultivate and nourish what I find, spruce up my mental and emotional hygiene and have that care reflected in my stories and essays. May they serve others by example as much as they serve me by my process.
Here is a thought that occurred to me while pondering childhood and parenting from my current vantage as a philosophical grandpa.
Alchemists
Children are alchemists of necessity,
turning their parent’s mistakes into gold
and converting their parent’s gold into mistakes
~~~And now you may share my Seventh Set of Meditation Reflections~~~
Reflections on Guided Meditations or Bobcat Logic for Meditation Hesitancy (7)
Mar. 30, 2022
What helps you meet difficult situations with more ease?
Focusing on things that seem more permanent, such as mountains or creeks or a favourite song. Reflecting upon this leads me back to the truth that even these things change, so by extension, I know that the difficulties of the moment, in truth, lack permanence. Practising kindness and doing some amount of physical activity or creative work. Communing with a loved one or a pet.
Apr. 5, 2022
What helps you tap into your inner calm?
Aware breathing. A physical challenge. A mental challenge. Activity. Cats. Contemplating feminine beauty. Art. Nature. Mountains. Forests. Cuddling. Lovemaking. Walking. Listening to music. Following curiosity.
Apr. 6, 2022
How do you work with your inner critic?
I tell my inner critic to look around at all of the other people on earth and to please learn that I am not better or worse than any of them. I challenge my inner critic to be constructive if it wants my ear. I share my inner critic’s observations with a trusted person and compare their opinions.
Apr. 7, 2022
What is you body asking for today? How will you honour that need?
For sleep and then to go walking. I will have a nap and then go for a walk.
Apr. 9, 2022
What is your intuition telling you today?
To stay home with my wife and to enjoy peace for its own sake.
Apr. 11, 2022
What can you say to yourself next time you get swept up in worry?
I can say, “What does the record show?” The energy saved by not worrying can be ample enough to draw upon in the chance that your worries are warranted.
Apr. 13, 2022
What hardship has positively transformed your life? How?
Getting diagnosed with PAD (Peripheral Arterial Disease). Surviving a Winter car accident with loved ones aboard. Witnessing my wife endure, fight and survive leukemia. Being surrounded by wildfires and having some of my escape routes blocked by avalanches and mudslides. The transformations wrought by these things were: Quitting tobacco use after forty-five years. Learning to place trust in medical professionals. Becoming newly sensitized to my wife, sons and my larger family. Seeing again The Balance and beginning a new season of further personal healing and growth.
Apr. 16, 2022
How will you offer yourself some kindness today?
When I reflect on the past (as I surely will), I will focus on my own goodness. When I think of the future (as I surely will), I will imagine my best authentic self. When I focus on Now (as I surely am learning to do), I will remember that Now is Truth and be satisfied to have found it.
Apr. 17, 2022
How are you really feeling today? Who can you share this with?
I feel that I am emotionally just entering young adulthood. I feel cautious and unsure. I feel that I must finally fully trust myself and come to know with certainty that love is my best friend and that my heart is my most loyal guide. I can share this with my wife, my cat, my sons, the Great Spirit, the Mother of all things and with the folks who read my blog. I can share this with everyone.
Apr. 21, 2022
Which pieces of yourself can you embrace with kindness today? How?
My talkativeness. Instead of feeling I have done something wrong, I can choose to focus instead upon whether of not my listeners are interested and I can act upon that assessment. I will not apologize or disparage myself for being a naturally vocal person.
Apr. 23, 2022
Where in your life do you feel like you have to be perfect? Why?
In most tasks and in any work or project. I believe this to be caused by a combination of input from my maternal grand-father, my parents and an elder sibling.
Apr. 26, 2022
How do you create calm through stormy times?
From now on, I will calm myself with my breath. I will follow my breath with movement and I will follow my movement with rest.
Apr. 26, 2022
What do you believe in? How do these beliefs shape your choices?
I believe in essences. This belief keeps my always oriented uphill.
Apr. 29, 2022
How do you respond to difficulty or challenge in your life?
Traditionally, my usual response was a head-on attempt to overcome or to endure without asking any help. Later, when I was exhausted and broken, I would self-medicate. I was never really cognizant of this heroic tragedy-loop before I began mindfulness training and I can see now that my trajectory going forward has certainly changed for the better. I am thoroughly stoked to see what lies ahead!
May 8, 2022
What would help you practice meditation more consistently?
To reach a point whereupon I could teach others. Seeing and being more cognizant of the positive changes wrought by my work.
May 9, 2022
When have you experienced despair? What helped you feel better?
Many, many times. Most of my life, in fact. Action and the kindness of others helped me feel better.
May 11, 2022
Describe a current obstacle. How might it be helping you grow?
Having no physical lover. It may be helping me to grow by sublimating my sexual energy into newer channels and innovative ways of expressing and receiving love. Lovemaking transformed into love giving.
May 13, 2022
Where do you experience a sense of love and belonging? Why?
Outdoors. At home with my wife. In the company of my cat. Among the pages of a good book. In the presence of my offspring and new grand-daughter. Whenever I am teaching or story-telling or it occurs randomly and naturally, either as a listener or an orator. In physical touch. Inside of music, as both a listener and musician. I feel love and a sense of belonging in these situations because of: Being connected to the feminine and thus, made whole and balanced. Being connected to the plant beings. Being connected to the animals. Being connected to shared DNA. Being connected to human evolution. Being connected to instinct. Being connected to Spirit.
May 17, 2022
How do you respond to physical pain? What insight does this offer?
Stoically and with curiosity. Sometimes with great anger or fear. I was trained in childhood to take pain without complaint. I have learned that although there are times when that is a useful survival skill, it dishonours my body and also feeds my pride and ego in a less than nourishing way. My fear is actually of the unknown, the future and therefore, a waste of energy. My anger is usually because of having my routine movements halted by the pain. My stoicism and curiosity help me to overcome the negative reactions by informing me, teaching me and giving me a sense of control over my situation.
May 26, 2022
What quality would you like to focus on strengthening today?
Listening to others more mindfully.
June 3, 2022
Write yourself a note full of care and kindness.
Hi Michael,
I hope you are doing well and progressing on your inner journey to greater peace, greater health and deeper spirituality. Always remember that your road is uphill and that the obstacles you encounter merely indicate that you are on the right road. Be patient with yourself and with others. Trust yourself within the universe. Be true to yourself. Take note of your back-trail as you go and allow yourself to change, as you allow others that same possibility.
Far from fin...